I sit here writing what I had hoped to never write again. We lost our baby this past week.
For some unknown reason the baby’s heart stopped beating – sometime very recently bc the baby was measuring a full 16 weeks. Bc I was that far along they had to induce me and yesterday about 1:00 pm I gave birth to a perfect 16 week old baby boy.
It has been two of the most painful days of my life. To hold my son for the first time and at the same time say goodbye is something I can’t even begin to describe.
We decided to name our baby boy Shiloh Rudy VanHaitsma. Shiloh is Hebrew and it means “He to whom it belongs” it seemed fitting. Rudy was an uncle of Bryan’s who only lived for 9 mos. We will bury our little boy this week on the same plot as his grandpa Rick.
And yet through the pain God has been very faithful. I can’t begin to thank the many people who have been praying us through this time. The staff and nurses at Ludington hospital were absolutely amazing, and my OB was great. We were actually able to hold our son. All 3 grandparents were able to hold Shiloh. Bryan and I had several hours with him. The kids were able to see him and ask questions. They told him goodbye, that they loved him, and would one day see him again.
I was only 16 weeks, I can’t imagine the pain for those who lost a baby farther on.
And the biggest area of thankfulness – our little boy Shiloh is at this moment in heaven with his grandpa, another sibling and other family members who have gone before. They are all laughing, rejoicing, happy and whole with Jesus. I will see and hold my little boy again. I will hear him laugh. I will look into his eyes. I will pick him up and kiss him. And we will never have to say goodbye to him again.
For now we mourn, but God is good.
Erika & Bryan.
Carey & I have been lifting you up in prayer since the moment we heard about Shiloh. We are so sorry for your loss and want you to know that we are here for you if you need someone to talk with, cry to, pray with or just to have someone to hang out with. We know how deep the sorrow is and will continue to pray for you in the days to come.
I am so sad to hear that all your hopes and dreams for Shiloh have been dashed, but thankful to know he is in the arms of Jesus. It's a joy to think of that happy day of reunion! Until then, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." Sending love and hugs your way! Jill
Praying…
I am so very sorry. I also know losing a child is not really losing a child…it's just what you explained…mourning and waiting to see him later…it took me so long to accept my daughter was loved far more in heaven that I could even imagine and as you watch your children grow and be hurt in this world, my prayer is you can think of your two precious babies always being loved and never hurting in the arms of their heavenly father..I hope my Renee meets your babies. She would love to snuggle, babies are her joy.
Diana
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Oh Erika, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you to feel His peace in the midst of your grief.