I sit here writing what I had hoped to never write again. We lost our baby this past week.

For some unknown reason the baby’s heart stopped beating – sometime very recently bc the baby was measuring a full 16 weeks. Bc I was that far along they had to induce me and yesterday about 1:00 pm I gave birth to a perfect 16 week old baby boy.

It has been two of the most painful days of my life. To hold my son for the first time and at the same time say goodbye is something I can’t even begin to describe.

We decided to name our baby boy Shiloh Rudy VanHaitsma. Shiloh is Hebrew and it means “He to whom it belongs” it seemed fitting. Rudy was an uncle of Bryan’s who only lived for 9 mos. We will bury our little boy this week on the same plot as his grandpa Rick.

And yet through the pain God has been very faithful. I can’t begin to thank the many people who have been praying us through this time. The staff and nurses at Ludington hospital were absolutely amazing, and my OB was great. We were actually able to hold our son. All 3 grandparents were able to hold Shiloh. Bryan and I had several hours with him. The kids were able to see him and ask questions. They told him goodbye, that they loved him, and would one day see him again.

I was only 16 weeks, I can’t imagine the pain for those who lost a baby farther on.

And the biggest area of thankfulness – our little boy Shiloh is at this moment in heaven with his grandpa, another sibling and other family members who have gone before. They are all laughing, rejoicing, happy and whole with Jesus. I will see and hold my little boy again. I will hear him laugh. I will look into his eyes. I will pick him up and kiss him. And we will never have to say goodbye to him again.

For now we mourn, but God is good.