The last few mos have been a constant battle for me to choose between faith and fear. I am pregnant. Try number 3 for baby number 4. This is my 3rd time getting pregnant in 16 mos and I won’t deny the fear.

Daily I could live in the ‘what ifs.’
What if we lose this one too?
What if I have to tell people we lost another one? Do we look foolish for even trying again?
What if it’s another ectopic?
Or worse – What if this one dies and I have to bury another baby?
What if I go through all this just for another broken heart?

Yet, God constantly and gently reminds me I can live in fear of the unknown or I can choose to live based on what I do know.

He is a good God.
I have been blessed to carry all 3 children no matter the outcome.
Whatever God allows He will carry us through.
Somehow He is working all things out for His glory and my good.
He is a good God.
He is faithful.

I won’t deny my emotions have been up and down and there are days when it’s easier to hide from God and the reality of the situation then deal with it. I won’t even think about the pregnancy or think about either outcome.

I feel like I’m holding my breath waiting for week 16 to come and go. Only God knows what that weeks holds for us. Yes, chances of loosing this one are slim, I know. But I also now know that pain and it’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone. And I don’t want to go through it again.

I am trying to thank God for today. Thank You for allowing me to carry this little one today. Thank You that today this little one is alive. Thank You that today I carry new life. And whatever happens “The Lord give and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the Name of the Lord.”

It’s not easy and I usually fail or struggle at the least. But God is faithful.

My 16 week appt is next mos. Prayers are greatly appreciated. 🙂
So….. here we go again.