One of my favorite songs to sing on a Sunday morning contains the line “All that You hold in store is all that I want, Oh Lord.”
Those words have a different ring in my ears these days.
I’ve sung this song for several years but if God had told me what the last two years was going to hold for my family, I’m not sure I would have had the courage to say those words or honestly mean them if I had.
Yes, God, all that You hold in store –
take my husband’s father and the grandfather of my children,
take two of my unborn children allowing me to bury one of them.
allow my children to see more of death in their short lives than I did the first 20 years of mine.
allow my heart to break and my security to be shaken in ways I never dreamt.
Bc ALL that You hold in store is ALL that I want Oh Lord….
I’m not sure I can say that right now. When I look at things my perspective I don’t always see the good, just like I haven’t always felt God’s presence as we’ve walked out these last 2 years. I don’t always want ALL that God has in store for me or my children. On the one hand I want to live a happy comfortable life, and I want my children to live happy comfortable lives. On the one hand that is ALL I want.
But, sometimes you have to hurt to realize that Jesus is not only all you have He is also all you need. And on the other hand I want my children to have the stubborn faith of Noah, the complete obedience of Abraham, and a passion for God that surpasses David’s. And if that means He must shake us up, then that really is what’s best for myself, my children, and my family. If a broken heart is what it takes to get me on my knees before God with a hunger and thirst I’ve never known, then maybe that broken heart is the best thing for me.
And one day I will see Jesus and everything will be ok. It still may not all make sense but I’ll see my Savior and it will be good.
Believer, may we grow a stubborn faiths like Noah, learn complete obedience like Abraham, and get a passion for God that surpasses David’s. And if a broken heart and pain beyond compare is what it takes – then may we honestly say “All that You hold in store is all that I want oh Lord,” As long as I get to see Jesus at the end of it.