I was doing ok until it happened.
I honestly was not too worried about getting sick, or losing someone I loved. The no toilet paper was annoying, and not being able to find every single exact item in the grocery store. But, for the most part, life was continuing on semi-normal and I was doing just fine.
And then the lock down came.
Stay home, only essential travel. Don’t go out.
All of a sudden my ability to choose was gone. I felt stuck, helpless, angry at a situation I didn’t create and couldn’t control. I felt like I was watching the world spin out of control and all I could do “stay home.”
One morning I was venting my frustration to God. Letting Him know exactly how I felt, wondering if He was even listening, not sure what the future held. I was uncertain and afraid. I was praying for my nation, my city, my family, myself. Did God have an answer? Was God really listening? Did He even care how I felt?
Then I read Psalm 4
Answer me when I call to you,
my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
have mercy on me and hear my prayer.
2 How long will you people turn my glory into shame?
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods?
3 Know that the Lord has set apart his faithful servant for himself;
the Lord hears when I call to him.
He was listening. He did hear. I continued reading.
Tremble and do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
Silence. Maybe this was a great time to stay off the internet and be with God. The art of silence is one I do not get to practice often. Maybe God was giving me time to just be with Him. Time to focus on Him.
5 Offer the sacrifices of the righteous
and trust in the Lord.
6 Many, Lord, are asking, “Who can show us any good?”
Many are asking, or are going to ask in the days and weeks to come, what’s good about this? I do not worry too much about the sickness to be completely honest. I have no desire to get it or spread it. I am trying to be careful. But actually, I worry more about an economy where massive amount of people are not allowed to work. How do you recover from a month of shutdown? A month with very little or no income?
Let the light of your face shine on us, oh Lord.
7 You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound
The reality is many people are probably going to struggle. Things could get rough and it may take years to get everything back to where it was. BUT God can give me greater joy than a full bank account or pantry, and greater peace than a healthy economy. I can have hope in the midst of the struggle, the uncertainty, and the fear. God still gives me joy! And greater joy than anything this world can give! I desire a healthy nation, where people are living, working, and able to pay their bills. But even without any of that, no matter what comes, my God can still give me joy.
I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, Lord,
make me dwell in safety.
That has been my verse since I was a little girl and afraid of the dark. God is the reason I can sleep in peace. Not my husband, not my house, not my government, the Lord alone truly keeps me safe.
May you rest this night, believer, and in the days and weeks to come knowing your God hears you. Your God sees you. Your God knows your struggle. And your God cares for you. He can fill you with greater joy than anything this world can offer, and I do mean anything.
He is such a good God.
I am praying for that peace. For all. Rest. I am sad. Thank you for allowing me to realize I am not alone. For reminding me to keep my eye on my God.
Thank you Erica; while we are good with supplies and money, it is frightening to think of our family members who are so susceptible to this illness and do not have the financial resources we have. This makes it so much endurable knowing that God is good and taking care of us.