Several times in the past two years I have been brought face to face with the question: is God enough? And I am learning that I do believe He is enough. I honestly know God is all I need, that’s not the problem. The problem is that I don’t want Him to be enough.
If God is truly enough for me, then He can deprive me of what I think I need, even take away blessings that He’s already given to me, and still expect me to be fully satisfied in Him and rejoice in each and every day. IF He’s enough.
I don’t want God to be enough. I don’t want to admit that God could choose to say no to some of the deepest longings of my heart and I’d still be ok. I don’t want to acknowledge that God could ask me to leave what is comfortable and secure and still expect me to thrive. I don’t want to know if everything and everyone could be stripped from me and I’d still be ok and able to say with Job “the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the Name of the Lord.”
I don’t want God to be enough bc there are so many other things I want. So many other desires and longings that I have. I don’t want to be content with whatever He allows into my life be it good or bad. I don’t want to even think about loosing my life to gain it for His sake.
I believe God is all I need. I know this to be true. The problem is I don’t want Him to to be enough for me. I want to be able to demand of God more. I want to have every right to shake my fist to the heavens and rebuke God for not giving me this or that bc I need it!
And I’m guessing I’m not the only one with this struggle.
Believer, as painful as it sounds, may the Holy Spirit begin to teach us that God is enough and He is all we need. May we continue to enjoy life and the multitude of blessings that He has given us. But, may we also learn to hold each and every blessing with open hands. And should He choose to remove one or all may we stand and say with Job “the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the Name of the Lord.”
I am reading "Tortured for Christ" right now and have had the same thoughts Erika. I am amazed at how these Christians stripped of everything and going through so much can be so loving to their tortures and so fulfilled in Christ despite everything. Talk about convicting when I sometimes have a hard time being loving to someone who just irritates me. 🙂 Thank you for your post!
Erika, that was so well written. But I believe it will be very hard living in the USA, to ever really get that. I too want him to be enough. I hope and pray some day he will be my everything!!! Not just know he should, but that he will be. Love you, and thanks for being so honest!!