I lost my temper the other day and threw an oven mitt on the ground, and it just may have been directed towards the general vicinity of my husband.
Definitely not one of my finer moments as a wife or mother.
My precious 10 mos old whom I love and am still incredibly thankful for has turned into the hardest baby we’ve had. She is rarely content and will go from a smile to a scream in no time. And usually I have no clue what set her off and am not always sure what will help.
Well on this particular day, Natty had been fussing/screaming/crying off and on for the last hour. Along with my precious baby, the older 3 were all wanting to make special cards and needing help with the words. I had 2 desserts in the oven for a funeral the next day. And I was trying to make grilled cheese for everyone for lunch.
By the time Bryan came down for lunch the grilled cheeses were a tiny bit burnt, Natty was still unhappy even with food, and I forgot that Micah and Ali like their grilled cheese sandwiches open not closed.
There was a round of complaining and I lost it.
“I can’t make anyone happy! All anyone can do is complain!” I yelled throwing down the oven mitt (towards my husband) and glaring at my shocked husband.
Being a mother is one of the hardest things I have ever done.
I love these children immensely and cannot imagine life without them. But the truth is, being a mom right now isn’t always fun. I don’t always feel excitement or pride. I don’t always feel good, and I definitely don’t always feel fulfilled. Being a mom doesn’t always make me content or bring me peace, joy, and happiness.
But you know what, it doesn’t have to. And I don’t even think it’s suppose to.
There are many days I feel good and am so thankful to be in this place at this time.
But there are days when I don’t.
And that’s ok.
Being a mom isn’t about me.
Being a mom isn’t about making me happy, making me feel fulfilled and even content. Being a mom means God has given me this huge responsibility to train up disciples and discipleship is hard, dirty, and long, and sometimes boring. (but I’m also told it’s one of the most rewarding things at the end of the day)
Being a mom is just another way God is constantly reminding me that life is all about Him. These are His kids. This is His time for me and my kids to learn and grow. And this is His plan (it was totally not mine!).
When I remember that I’m content. And it’s ok.
May we remember the truth and ignore the feelings. It’s all about God. He doesn’t waste time. He has a plan, and it is good. My peace, my joy, my contentment comes from Him, not being a mom.
And FYI – oven mitts are totally disappointing if you throw them down in a fit of anger.